- most things in life are more bearable with the liberal application of silver jewelry - in the midst of the most pressing bullshit, one is likely to look at one's hands; it's nice to spy something pretty there.
- i am a very good sharer with most non-monetary things. there just isn't much cash flowing, but sofa space, coffee, dinner, & liquor are yours as well as mine on most occasions.
- i resent people who drive by without a muffler on their vehicle, who shout in the street, and who have a fuck-em-before-they-fuck-me attitude. also on the list: Chronic Complainers and the Intentionally Jobless.
- urban wildlife makes me happiest of all.
- hot tea is a fabulous remedy for melancholy; coffee can make my day.
- it's best to be at peace with funny-looking - that shit is way too hard to change.
- the world at large is better when the cat box is clean.
- puzzles are good to clear a heavy head.

when you are branded a Thief, i want you to learn how to share. i want to give you tools. i present Marx.

but that's no good for bedtime, you tell me. politics are for breakfast. i read the paper already.

you want faery tales, a beautiful prince. so i give you a faery tale. a prince, and a Yugo, too. we begin on a Monday night, right before bed: the Tale of How the Cats Became Socialists, including a Yugo, Che Guevera, a moat, a roadtrip to the National Poetry Slam, the Goo Goo Dolls, a bookstore on Euclid Ave across from the coop in Cleveland Heights, Gabrielle Boulliane, and Adam Rubenstein, among other hilights. relax, ok - you'll like it.



Part 1 - Enlightenment & Escape
we begin with the Lovely Prince Che (long hair! a sharp jawline! smarts!), imprisoned in a tower (surrounded by a moat, even!) by his Evil Imperialist Uncle! & with nothing to do, he digs through the one, shallow closet, to find it empty but for some blankets - and a copy of the Marx-Engalls Primer.

no! don't groan! it's not that terrible - listen! there's a kitty door. its original intent was a utilitarian means for the Uncle to provide meals to the prince during his imprisonment. but a boon to Che it is! because of the kitty door, the prince gets to hang out with his beloved pets. the four cats are his solace during the long stretch in the tower. they sit with him all day & all night, & when Che reads the book, he reads it to them. thusly, the cats become Enlightened!

the cats come together one afternoon and have a meeting. they decide that they need to spread their message. upon consideration with Prince Che, it quickly becomes clear that what they need - what they really need - is a printing press. action must be taken!

down below the tower's one window is the answer. there, parked in the driveway, just yards from the drawbridge, is the car. Che's car. & he somehow managed to retain his car keys all this time! the cats are sure that they can get down there - the jump from the window seems reasonable, & they land on their feet well, you know, being cats.

& so they form a Plan: Snowball, being the tallest, shall steer, as he can see over the dash. Salvador, being wily & fast, will be responsible for the gas & brakes. Serge, of considerable heft, he shall take care that the clutch is depressed fully and at the right time. BisQuit, well... he'll have to hang off the stick shift & do his best. Snowball will advise him of which gear.

Che tosses down the keys. the cats follow one at a time. on the ground, behind the car they form a lopsided pyramid & combine efforts (this is not hard, they are socialists) to pop the hatchback. they assume their positions for driving, Serge jumps on the clutch, Salvador jams the gas, & thankfully, the emergency brake gives beneath a furious kick from Snowball - they run the drawbridge, leaving the Evil Imperialist Uncle shaking his fist behind them in the dust!